Why work with me?

If you have found your way here, the following few paragraphs likely explain realities you are keenly aware of. They speak to the lived experience of sexuality professionals accessing services. I hope reading them gives you confidence in where I, as a practitioner and sex worker, sit in this landscape.

While the nature of activities undertaken by people working within and accessing the sex industry are extraordinarily varied, the cultural narratives around sex, intimacy and sex work can pose unique challenges to the integration of the intimate lives of sex workers and their partners.

Sexuality professionals (a term covering a range of professions such as sex workers, tantric body workers, BDSM practitioners, sexological bodyworkers) often face stigmatisation, stereotyping and discrimination. This can make accessing adequate social support and specialised services very difficult. When support is accessed, internalised narratives and prejudice might result in discrimination, reactionary pathologising, identifying the work as the cause of problems and disbelief in the possibility of healthy relationships where one or more parties are connected to the sex industry. This stigma also affects partners, who may feel a responsibility to make up for this shortfall and face similar difficulty getting support for their intimate life and relationships.

Stigma and inadequate access to support aside, there are unique challenges working with sexuality and holding space for the erotic experiences of others can pose to intimate relationships. Having specialised support - someone to hold space for you and your intimate life, however you might need them to on the day - is an investment in yourself, your relationships and your professional practice.

On a personal level, I am a sex worker and somatic sexologist. My partners over the course of my career have grappled with the nature of my work and the narratives around it. I feel the constant ebb and flow of erotic energy between my work, my partnerships, my relationship with myself and grapple with questions around burnout and sustainability, what belongs to my public and private personas and how my values interact with the pushes and pulls of this industry. In my practice I intend to provide a nonjudgemental and compassionate space in which sexuality professionals and their partners can be supported to process through any conflicts, difficulties, aspirations or inquiries in their intimate lives.

Sexuality Professionals

Some reasons you might want to work with me are regarding your personal intimate life are...

"I spend a lot of time giving, but have a lot of difficulty receiving."

"I feel really confident at work, but feel a bit lost when having sex that's *for me*"

Often we are attracted to this work because we get a lot out of being useful and in service - and we're good at it. Receiving is also a learnable skill, and one that is really important for preventing burnout for helping professionals.
I can offer simple practices that will support you to feel into what you might want to receive, and how to go about getting it.

"I struggle to find the energy to get physically intimate in my personal life."

"My partner and I don't really have sex anymore."

"I'm not having the kind of sex I want in my partnership."

There are so many possible factors underlying issues like this! Through working somatically, we can explore how this process of struggle is presenting and what might support you (and your partner/s) to work with it.
I can work with you individually, with you and your partner/s in a joint session or as individuals to find ways to relieve the pressure and find room for pleasure and intimacy, whatever that might look like.

"I'm experiencing pain during sex."

Pain during sex is not something to ignore. Whatever the cause, there are ways to prevent, mitigate and minimise your experience of discomfort.
As a trained sexological bodyworker, I am able to support you to connect with your discomfort safely and slowly and explore how best to work with it.

"I'm struggling with how to talk to people close to me about my work."

Disclosing your profession and discussing the nature of your work can sometimes be tricky territory. Deciding who to talk to and what to tell them can require discernment, and it certainly helps to have dismantled any defensiveness.
Through a process of somatic and value based inquiry, I can support you to get clear on the whys, whats, who fors and hows of discussing your work as a sexuality professional.

"I would like a partner but I'm finding dating as a sexuality professional really difficult and disheartening."

Dating can be fraught at the best of times, let alone entering in with a stigmatised/ highly stereotyped profession.
Reorienting to what you're looking for out of partnership and workshopping how to support those needs while unpartnered can take the pressure off. I can also help workshop strategies for connecting with sex positive supportive folk.

Or perhaps you're looking for support around intimacy in your professional practice:

"I struggle to set boundaries with clients."

This can be difficult at the best of times, let alone when it feels like there is income and a profitable relationship on the line.
Together we can work with what is coming up that gets in the way of boundary setting, workshop possible approaches, and begin putting them into practice.

"I'm tired of working myself to the point of burnout and getting sick or having to take a lot of time off."

You are not alone. Lack of predictability and a feast or famine mindset leads a lot of us to overwork in the short term.
I can help you find different ways to manage workflow, to evaluate your motivations, goals and values to find a balance between work and downtime that feels sustainable.

"I keep falling for clients."

"Clients keep falling for me."

Boundaried professional relationships can be a fruitful context for working with attachment dynamics and transference. I can help you identify where this comes up and workshop strategies for working with your own and your clients attachment strategies.

"I would love to learn how to help clients with ED/ ejaculation choice."

With coaching in mindful awareness and use of somatic tools, clients can be supported to find more agency over their arousal responses.
I can support you in teaching these tools, and in having conversations with clients about the emotional content around performance concerns.

"I want to start upskilling and levelling up my business, but I'm not sure how/ what to do first."

The sex industry and auxiliary professions are increasingly recognised as skilled - with evermore options for training, it can be hard to figure out what is worthwhile and in alignment with your personal and professional goals.
Over my time in the industry I have enmeshed myself in a network of educators and sex geeks with all kinds of expertise who are able to screen and suggest training options.

"I'm finding working in the sex industry quite isolating and want to start developing a peer support network."

With many of us working independently as sole traders, it can be really challenging to connect with others in the industry in ways that feel meaningful and enduring.
I facilitate peer support groups and am able to connect you with other means of linking up with peers.

Partners

"I support my partner, but I am still experiencing insecurity/ jealousy/ fear/ around their work."

It's perfectly normal to experience a complicated array of feelings about what your partner does when they're not with you.
I can help with simple strategies for self-regulation so you can allow your feelings to process through, offer supplementary social support and work with you on strategies for managing dialogue around this experience with your partner.

"I'm finding it really difficult to find support. People don't understand why I would want to be with someone who works in the sex industry."

It can be difficult at the best of times to find nuanced and present support when you want to talk about relationships. When your partner is in a stigmatised and stereotyped profession it's even harder.
I work to normalise whatever experience you are having and find the beat ways for you to resource yourself.
I also facilitate group sessions where you can connect with others who are in partnerships with sex industry professionals.

"I don't know how to manage introducing my partner to my friends and family. I know we're solid, but I'm afraid they won't accept the relationship."

Introducing a new partner to your people can be fraught! Fears about them being accepted are normal - more so if you have reason to believe they might bring preconceived notions to the table.
I can support you and your partner to step through the process of choosing what/ when/ who to/ and when to disclose their profession, and support you to enter into these conversations feeling solid and confident in sharing the story of your relationship, however it is received.

"I met my partner as a client - how can I trust they won't leave me for another one?"

It is incredibly common that people working in the sex industry meet future partners while working, and perfectly understandable that you might fear the same thing happening again. However allowing this fear to take over runs the risk of it harming your relationship.
I can help you inventory when this fear comes up and manage your response and behaviour around it to minimise it's impact on your well being and that of your relationship.

"I'm struggling with my partner being sexual at work and not wanting to be sexual with me."

"I'm struggling with the times at which my partner is working and feel it cuts into our time together."

As partners

"We have noticed that we're having less sex and want to figure out how to nurture our sex life while balancing work demands."

"We met as client and practitioner and want help figuring out how to healthily transition our relationship."

Transitions are a wonderful opportunities to be intentional about creating the relationship you want. There are lots of things to consider - how to navigate new expectations in information sharing, financial arrangements, expectations around sexual engagement.

"We have different ideas about what information about work should be shared."

Boundaries and trust are foundational parts of any healthy relationship. It can be really difficult when you don't see eye to eye on what level of information sharing and transparency feels safe and generous. Coming back to safety in the body and the things that connect you can help you see each other while navigating this while.

"We have different ideas about levels of disclosure to friends and family."

"We're struggling with how we relate to our financial situations."

Resentment around earning capacity
Insecure our unpredictable income
Perceived ease of making money
Managing household budget and cashflow

"We want to invest in our sex life together and want it so feel special, but could use some professional support."

What an amazing position to be in!
I can help you with finding new and different ways of being intimate including:
- Adding ritual and structure
- Making space to learn new things together
- Practicing erotic non-sexual touch
- Delighting in individuation